I’m pretty sure the first time I heard the term “cognitive dissonance” was back in graduate school when I was getting my Master’s in counseling psychology. It isn’t something I think about or use often, but I was recently reminded of this term while in a professional development training. Since then, I’ve been thinking about how the past 10 months have caused me great cognitive dissonance as a chronically injured runner.
What is a “Chronically Injured” Runner
I’m not trying to be dramatic about the “chronic injury” but it’s the best way to describe it in one sentence. Over the course of the past 10 years, I’ve been injured more than I’ve been healthy. When I think back on my running during that time, it’s mostly the good stuff that stands out: The PRs, successful long runs, etc. However, there have been several long-term injuries that I may or may not have been able to train through.
It started with my hip surgery. Everyone I have spoken to about this really doesn’t think it was running that caused it, but I may not have noticed the pain if I wasn’t running. (We can keep blaming it on my years of dancing + genetics.) Other injuries didn’t get cured with rest, but with the right treatment. How frustrating is it to take 3 months off of running and not get better? I’ll tell you, it’s extremely frustrating. Then to see a chiropractor and get ART and feel better within weeks, it really makes you question why you took that time off in the first place.
Cognitive Dissonance
For those who may not be familiar with cognitive dissonance, it’s defined as “the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.” For example, someone who smokes may experience cognitive dissonance by knowing that it causes lung cancer. Sometimes we cope with these types of feelings by changing our attitudes, beliefs or behaviors (for example, quitting smoking.) Other times we try to outweigh the thought that is causing us stress with a different belief. Sometimes we try to tell ourselves that the belief that is causing the stress isn’t important/true/etc.
So how does this relate to me and my running? First off, I define part of myself as a runner. It still comes up in conversation, it’s still something I write about, think about, and enjoy. However, it’s confusing to feel like I am presenting myself as a distance runner who runs marathons, when I barely run at all anymore. It’s one thing to take a month or two off, and get back to it. But when it’s ongoing it leaves your feeling all sorts of confused. I know we always tell ourselves and each other that these things will pass and get better, but what if they don’t?
Being a Chronically Injured Runner
Let me be clear, I don’t define all of myself as a just a runner. That is a huge help as I’m going through this. There are plenty of other things I enjoy. I have a full-time job to keep me busy and distracted. If I were an elite runner, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like.
There’s also this whole concept of recovery. I feel like I “should” do certain things because it’s what I would tell someone else to do in my situation. But I can’t help but question it all. Honestly, I don’t think I have ever gotten over an injury by resting, as crazy as that may sound. So here I am trying to believe that I need to rest when it’s never helped me in the past.
When Progress Just Doesn’t Happen
Don’t get me wrong, I am really grateful that this isn’t something more serious. It’s just been SO long since I have been able to run and train the way I want. I’d like to get back to that. I feel like I am tip-toeing on ice, hanging on enough not to fall in, but having to go so slowly and gently that I’m not getting anywhere. Does that even make sense?
I try to be a good runner, following all the “rules” and such. I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something to all of this. When you can’t do the things that make you feel like yourself, it definitely creates cognitive dissonance. Something will have to change to resolve it, whether that’s my beliefs, attitude, or behavior. I’m not sure that I will get to choose, but I think we all know what the goal is.
Posts like this can be really therapeutic. Thanks for listening reading!
You may also like:
The Benefits of Collagen and Gelatin for Runners
Running Workout Roundup for the Off-Season
7 Tips for Returning to Running After an Injury
Have you ever experienced cognitive dissonance in an area of your life?
When you have been injured, does rest usually help or do you rely more on treatment?
Do you struggle with defining yourself outside of being a runner?
Has anyone else felt like a chronically injured runner?
ugh, I keep thinking back to last year when we had lunch and your foot was just starting to bother you again (I think it was again, right? it had bothered you in the past I think). I am just hoping the orthodics help so that you can get back to running the way you want to! I am sure it’s terribly frustrating, I can’t even imagine but I sympathize. I definitely don’t define my whole self as a runner and don’t even talk about running outside of my blog but if I couldn’t run each morning the way I do, I know it would bother me!
It feels like SO long ago that we had lunch and if you told me then that I would still be dealing with this 10 months later I wouldn’t have believed it. I felt like at the time I was being smart by stopping running as soon as it started hurting! Im not sure where I went wrong. Maybe I still haven’t found the right shoes but Im really hopeful that the orthotics will at least give it the support it needs to heal.
Oh, girl, You know I’ve got you here. How about the cognitive dissonance of being a runner/coach who preaches glute engagement and then has hamstring trouble from a bad glute? Or stress fracture prevention… with a stress fracture? And now, as a runner… without running. I guess the only way that I can balance out the tension in my mind is that at least I can know what to tell people NOT to do. Story of my life.
Coaching while injured is definitely a challenge. I really like it, because it gives me a chance to be involved with training and experience the highs of it all when I cant myself train or race. But of course its challenging to not be the one training and racing.
I can only imagine! I’ve been sidelined for the week and I’m already questioning everything…to have that feeling go on for years is so tough!
It’s all relative! A week is hard, and after months is just becomes the new normal. At least when it’s long term you don’t think about it ALL the time like we tend to do with a new injury.
This is such a challenging time! I understand some of what you are going through as I have been dealing with my foot/ankle for 7+ months. Right now I am resting it and focusing on my other sports since I always do those in addition to running. I am not sure I define myself as a runner…I mean, I am a triathlete but sports to me is just fun. I honestly just think running is a lot of fun and I miss it. I hope we both can get some answers soon. Hang in there!
I’ve always enjoyed being active for most of my life. Even when I cant run, I definitely appreciate being able to engage in fitness in other ways. But running is my favorite and nothing else seems to give me the same endorphins I get from a good run.
I had my first seriousish running injury early last year (basically I undertrained for a marathon and it came back to bite me in the ass). Physical therapy has worked wonders for me (it definitely helped that I worked with a PT that only deals with sports injuries- he based out of DC if you’re interested). Hang in there and hope you are feeling better soon!
Im glad you have success with the PT! I was in PT for about 5 months last summer/fall and it got better for a bit but then came back again. I would be willing to do PT again if I felt like it would be different and more beneficial. Unfortunately it can take over an hour to get to DC suburbs from here because of Baltimore (and DC) traffic, otherwise I would give your PT a try!
I’ve been lucky — it seems I’m forever dealing with this or that nagging ache or pain, but no serious injuries that have kept me out for months.
Yet when I run fess to this or that ache, boy, how people love to jump right in with advice — right or wrong (more often wrong than right). And I do feel that I’ve never really gotten to the bottom of it, despite chiro, physical therapy, and my own search for answers.
Running has definitely become a large part of my life, but it’s important to never define yourself by what you DO, because that can always be taken away at any time. It’s what you are inside — the good person, friend, SO, kind, funny, etc. etc. — that’s the really important stuff.
But sometimes it doesn’t feel that way when you can’t do what you want to do, I know.
I do think people mean well with the advice, but when we have tried everything it can be frustrating to have someone tell you what they think is a simple solution (and maybe one you have already tried). At this point I stay open to any and all suggestions because I feel like I am pretty much out of ideas!
Ugh! I feel ya! Injuries can be beyond frustration. I think it just shows how much you love it that you are sticking with it.
It’s extremely frustrating but I think it would be pretty much impossible to just give up…its always going to be something I want to get back to!
Oh my gosh, all of this!! I’m still fighting what has finally been narrowed down to a hamstring tendon issue and I’m lucky if my weekly mileage is over 5 miles… I have clients come into my office and comment on the medals I have hanging there and I feel the need to explain that I’m not training now due to an injury. And mostly I just feel weird because in my head I can still run a half but in reality three miles is hard these days. I miss the feeling of accomplishment. Thank you for sharing this!! To me, after reading your blog for so long, you’ll always be a runner. Hope the orthotics do their thing. And maybe we need to come up with a new distance race for injured runners – a 3k maybe? = )
Haha the 3k would be perfect! Im sorry your injury has been lingering too. Hopefully one day we will look back on this and it will just be a glimpse among lots of successful runs and races!
I really enjoy psychobabble and I’ve never heard of cognitive dissonance before, but man oh man, when I think about it, so many of us use it to cope with all sorts of things in our lives! I have to admit that I use it a lot as a parent to teenagers. When they act certain ways or choose certain things that freak me out, I figure out a way to either convince them to change (NEVER WORKS) or I figure out a way to change my attitude/mindset about it. It helps me let go of things I can’t control. It’s tricky though because I don’t want to use it to sweep things under the rug and ignore the really important things.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to use it for injury issues. I hope somehow, sometime soon, you and your running will come out on top and the injuries can be left behind.
That makes so much sense how you can use it with teenagers! I guess it comes in useful when we cant control other people or our circumstances.
This is one of my favorite posts you have written, Lisa. I nodded my head right along with you. I agree… sometimes rest helps but sometimes it really doesn’t! And it’s frustrating when you rest for so long and then it wasn’t even the answer anyway. I feel like I am not always injured per se, but pretty much as soon as I feel really good running, something pops up that is sore or aggravated and I try to be careful. As far as presenting yourself as a runner, you ARE a runner. Being a runner doesn’t mean crazy mileage and marathons, otherwise I’m not a runner either. 😉
You are right that being a runner doesn’t mean crazy mileage and marathons. I think I struggle with my own personal definition of being a runner, which has always been so much more than it is now. But I think I will continue to feel like a runner until the day I decide I’m not!
Hey, now we share 2 things! (name & injuries) I have been going with the term “functional injury” lately because even though my running doesn’t feel good (injury), I can still do it and the pain is not a show stopper. But, I know there was a time when I ran without pain and I long for that to be the case again.
Hopefully we will be twinning again with running and not injuries!!
I like the term functional injury! Thats what I usually have, but I feel like its harder to have a functional injury in the foot. But we can definitely get back to running pain free (I hope!)- we shouldn’t have to deal with pain and injuries!
I can’t even imagine all the emotions behind chronic injury. Even if running isn’t everything in life, it certainly is part of life! I find that treatment works better for me than rest, except the time I sprained my foot and just had to let it heal. But for my current foot stuff, the treatment is so much more effective than simply resting – especially because the time I took off after races didn’t do a thing for that minor tightness that turned out to be early PF. I really hope you are able to get back to running as you want soon!
Yes, exactly! Sometimes rest can help and is needed, but if you don’t do anything different before you start running again theres no reason why it won’t just come back. I like the idea of treatment plus low mileage. I feel like its good to keep the body moving as long as your not causing more damage.
I understand the cognitive dissonance. Sometimes I think I want to stop marathon running, but then I would lose a little bit of my identity which is scary!
It is scary to think about that! Although I’ve come to terms with the possibility of no more marathons, I just want to be able to run without any issues for a long, long time!
I am frustrated for you Lisa! I can only imagine how you feel. I wish I had advice for you (because we all want to help you fix this ;p) but I don’t. You just have to wonder what lesson life is teaching you with all of this.
Yes, that’s something I have been thinking about. I guess there is no simple answer and I will just have to see how it plays out.
I just want to reach out and five you a big hug! I can’t imagine how frustrating this must be for you, but you seem to have a very positive outlook on everything, despite the injury setbacks. I think that’s so important because it will help you get through this latest injury.
Thanks, it doesn’t always seem like I have a positive outlook but I need to keep some hope, right?
I haven’t been running that long, and can’t really claim any injuries, though I’ve had a nagging ache in my hip since November. I’ve been attributing it to falling down a few stairs where I banged it pretty hard, but there’s always the possibility the Chicago Marathon in October is the culprit.
Anything that bothers us while running can be frustrating, so I hope you hip improves soon!
I am a firm believer in rest does the body and mind some good, that is what I am doing now, resting my mind 🙂 In the running department I have been lucky or good with my training- other than hurting myself I have been able to enjoy the sport. I feel your frustration, and hope it all comes together for you!
My mind doesn’t like to rest! But I definitely see your point. Thank you!
I can’t imagine how frustrating this is for you! I admire all your motivation and discipline though. I think rest has helped me through some injuries, and crosstraining has also helped. So hard because everyone is different. I hope you have a great Easter!
I can definitely see rest being helpful for some injuries and cross training also being beneficial. Thanks, hope you have a good Easter too!
Injuries suck. Plain and simple. I get frustrated because I try to be a smart runner…my mileage is conservative in comparison to what everyone else is running, I take rest days, and I stretch and foam roll…and still, I find myself with aches and pains. It leads me to wondering if it is the running, or if it’s “just” a mechanics/genetics thing. UGH. Ironically, a lot of my injuries (if that is, indeed, what they are) don’t hurt while I’m actually running, but afterwards…as I simply walk and do non-running stuff.
I wonder the same things! And often times I feel fine when Im running but something hurts when Im not running. It always makes me wonder if it would hurt even if I wasn’t a runner.
It’s like you know what’s going through my head right now. Do you think a certain amount of denial contributes to cognitive dissonance? I know I’m nuts to even consider still training for my marathon. Yet I can’t let go…
Oh Im sure there is denial involved, at least in my case. I think denial is one of the ways we cope with cognitive dissonance.
I did not know your background was also in Psych. I have an MSW and used to work in an eating disorders clinic. Anyway, I have also had so many running injuries in the past and it was so challenging to “run” my running group without running I feel you. I don’t have answers but I feel you
Interesting that you also have a similar background! Not sure if there really is an answer, but unfortunately I think so many of us can relate to these feelings.
It is funny – “cognitive dissonance” has been a term I have used since encountering it in the mid-80s … for me it was through both music and physics (I had a music minor in college … and am a scientist). Dissonance in music is obvious, but the music theory teacher talked about it in terms of the mental states it induces, the tensions, etc. Same with physics and understanding of theoretical ideas. Just funny how we all can come at things differently but arrive at the same spot.
I definitely also identify as a runner, but it is also just a part of me – after husband and father and scientist and friend … I have other hobbies, but if I had an hour to put to use, I would absolutely go for a run before doing anything else. Oh well.
I know I am fortunate – not only have I never had a running injury in 29 years, my body is still perfectly cool when I say ‘hey, let’s do 20 miles today and not bring any fuel. ok?’ And then jump right back in with my normal 12.5 the next day.
So it is hard for me to truly empathize – but I do sympathize with you and all you have gone through. Like others I have been ‘friends’ with for more than a few years now, I find myself worrying in good times, feeling sad in bad times, and always hoping for a solution that will allow you to stop dealing with this.
Thanks, I appreciate that. And its interesting to hear about how cognitive dissonance can be used in other ways. I’ll always be in awe of how you can run the way you do and never get hurt. I know what you mean about the hobbies, just like with fitness there are other workouts I enjoy but I would always choose running. Im glad to have other things to keep me active but it’s just not the same.
I completely relate. I’ve been injured more than I have been healthy, especially when the distance creeps up. I just had this very conversation with my husband yesterday and I’m starting to reevaluate my goals.
In terms of rest, I agree with what you said. The only time I “heal” from rest is if I have a minor ache or niggle. If it’s an actual injury, no amount of rest will help. Seeing a chiro has been the single most effective treatment I’ve had to date, and I urge my runners to see a chiro as well when things come up.
Hang in there. xxoo
I have had so much success with seeing chiropractors for injuries. PT is helpful, but at this point I feel like Ive learned all the exercises and can do them at home. I like being able to see a chiro just for treatment, as needed, and its less time consuming.
I hope you figure out the best plan for you as well.
I feel the same way. I have never really improved from an injury by completely resting. Even right now while my foot has been injured and is only slowly recovering, I still keep running, but I cut back on the mileage. Total rest usually doesn’t help me in any way. Then there is physical pain that actually gets better when I keep running through it, but that’s for a different post..
Speedy recovery!!
Isn’t it so interesting how our bodies can do that? The foot injuries make me more nervous to run through, although it generally doesn’t hurt when Im running. Lately I’ve been torn between resting and continuing to run.
I’m so sorry about what you’ve been going through as an injured runner. I have felt cognitive distance giving advice to people about running either on the blog or in person and always having the caveat that I’m not fast. I’ve always been a bit of a head case though! I really hope your issues resolve soon!
Thank you! It can be so challenging when we are always talking about running to feel like we are not really meeting our own standards.
That makes so much sense… it’s hard to feel like a runner yet not be running the way you want to be running. I remember feeling that way when I was injured too. And you’ve had to deal with it for SO long, how frustrating!
Exactly, even though Ive sort of been running throughout all of this it definitely isn’t the same as regular training or even just running regularly. It becomes stressful to always worry about doing too much or wondering about each little ache or pain.
Rest definitely helped me through my running injury, but once I was able to run again, I had to do a lot differently. I did more strength training and was better about my nutrition. That has helped me stay injury free ever since! I hope you’re able to get back to normal soon!
Thats great that you figured out what to do differently! I wish I could figure out what I am missing.
Out of curiosity what type of surgery did you have on your hip? And how was the recovery back to running? And your symptoms that led to surgery?
I’ve been having loads of groin, hip, glute, and hamstring issues since having my now 18 month old. Pt hasn’t helped at all, I cannot run without pain! Or bike for that matter. Finally I’m getting an MRI next week and they mentioned it may be a labral tear which would require surgery. I’m a bit nervous but honestly just want answers at this point! Hoping its something fixable!
I had a labral repair done with arthroscopic surgery. The recovery back to running went well… I was able to start with the elliptical, then run on the Alter G treadmill. I think I started running 2 months after surgery. I remember having deep pain in my hip, in the front area. I hope you get some answers! Its so frustrating to go so long and not be able to run. Feel free to reach out if you have any other questions!